I had rather strange experience in the gents - Fuller's Tenants Extra, August 2012

I had rather strange experience in the gents’ of a central London pub recently. Before you turn the page in shock, I should stress that story this story is entirely suitable for a family audience. Anyway, I was fully focused on the task at hand, when a voice piped up from the stall next to me: “Are you Pieandapint on Twitter?”

Once I’d recovered my composure, I was able to confirm that I do, indeed, Tweet as @pieandapint. My new friend was a beer blogger who was at the pub to attend the same press event as me. In the circumstances, shaking hands didn’t seem appropriate, but having previously only ‘met’ online, at least we’d progressed to talking in the real world.

On the face of it, the social media boom isn’t entirely good news for pubs. Students who would once have put the world to rights over pints of cider in the pub now rant on Facebook instead. However, new research for the regular Deloitte Taste of the Nation survey shows just how important social media sites have become to the eating out market:

• 37% of consumers use social media when deciding on where to eat and drink out;
• 61% of 18-34 year olds consult social media on their ‘going out’ decisions;
• 24% of consumers use social media to search for discount vouchers.

Clearly, independent pubs can’t compete with the managed players in terms of discount vouchers. Indeed, you may take the view that the kind of punter who downloads and prints a “two carvery meals for a fiver” voucher, and cites his legal right to a glass of tap water to accompany it, really isn’t the type of business that’s worth chasing.

On the other hand, I’ve come across a number of quality food pubs that have worked out how to use social media cannily. In this most typically British of summers, one licensee who has a great barbecue menu has been using Twitter to issue daily updates based on the weather forecast to let customers know if the al fresco menu will be on offer.

Another pub has been using Facebook to run a customer vote on the forthcoming weekend’s Sunday roast, taking the view that anyone who had voted for the beef then had a vested interest in turning up to sample it.

Try letting the online world know what your pie of the day or curry of the week is. You may be surprised at the trade it generates. And if you bump into me on Twitter – or in the gents – don’t forget to say hello.

This 'Kitchen Porter' column appears in the August issue of Fuller's Tenants Extra

Two pieces of research crossed my inbox - Inapub August 2012

Two pieces of research crossed my inbox within hours of each other recently. One was a medical study suggesting that a cup of coffee a day can help combat skin cancer. The other was a survey by Livebookings showing that most customers tip less than 10 per cent of the bill.

I should, of course be grateful enough to someone helping me combat cancer to slip them a decent tip. However, I’ve been reminded twice recently of the old industry cliché that “coffee is the final part of the meal, it’s what customers will go away remembering.” 

In a busy central London pub at lunchtime, we were served two cups of coffee which, while retaining just enough residual warmth to technically avoid being labelled ‘cold’, in no way justified their inclusion in the ‘hot drinks’ section of the menu.

When challenged, our server confirmed that we’d had the last two cups from a pot. She bought us replacements, but her mood suggested she thought we would swill down our cold coffee and clear off . 

A few days later, test-marketing venues for a family birthday meal, we had lunch in a Surrey village pub. Despite the promise of table service, each stage of the meal required a walk to the bar. When I ordered coffees, the barman told me they were very busy and coffee would be bought to our table as soon as possible. 

Ten minutes later, I wandered back and the barman pointed to a tray with two coffees sitting on the bar. Once I’d ferried them back to our table, we decided that they were – just – the right side of drinkable temperature-wise. Of course, our quality threshold may have been quite low by that stage. 

These pubs were run by Geronimo Inns and Mitchells & Butlers, both of whom make strong claims for their customer service. I know things don’t always go to plan but in neither instance, whatever the health benefits of the coffee, was I tempted to leave a tip.

On the Menu this month: My family enjoys a carvery, and whenever we visit I think I’m the only one who looks at the alternatives available. The summer menu at M&B’s Toby Carvery has a ‘fancy something different?’ section that features interesting sounding choices, including chicken tikka salad and wensleydale crusted hake fillet. Of course, I had the carvery. Doesn’t everyone?

This Pub Food with Porter column orginally appeared in the August 2012 issue of Inapub.

Just as there are fashions in food - Inapub July 2012

Just as there are fashions in food, there are fashions in food production. Back when Jamie Oliver kicked off his school food campaign, I discussed it with a food technologist working for a company specialising in ready meal production.

She recalled that when she had first qualified in the early 1980s, the process of mechanically recovering meat was seen as part of the solution to the world’s food shortage. Even the most skilled butcher leaves something in the carcase, ran the argument, so why not use machines to recover the valuable protein left behind and convert it into burgers, sausages and other meat products?

Move on a couple of decades, and such products were widely condemned as a nutritionally poor solution, despite the fact that they do their intended job very well by providing a cheap way to feed a family, often in shapes which can be conveniently pushed through a school fence.  

As I write this, protesters are threatening to dig up a field of wheat that has been genetically modified to deter aphids. Opponents of GM crops fear that the modifications will spread into the food chain with consequences no one can predict, while the scientists conducting the trial see huge potential for pest resistant crops to tackle hunger. Both sides believe passionately that their view is correct.

There is also news that farmer and food campaigner Jimmy Doherty is working with Tesco to promote rose veal, produced from the male calves of dairy cattle. Veal has long been a focus for animal welfare campaigners, but the home-produced product meets welfare standards. 

Currently, the dairy industry annually shoots an estimated 100,000 to 150,000 unwanted male cattle shortly after birth, simply because there is no market for the meat. At the same, steak from mature cattle is being priced off the menu in some pubs because of soaring beef costs. 

Ultimately, squaring the circle comes down to what customers are prepared to pay for. Personally, I don’t think I’d have a problem ordering a rose veal burger served in an aphid-resistant bun from a pub menu. The question is, will I be dining alone?    

Menuwatch:
As I think I’ve mentioned before, tomato is a long way from being my favourite flavour. So well done to the team at Yummy Pubs for recognising that a tomato sauce base is just one of many options for pizza. At their Kent pub, the Grove Ferry, Yummy has come up with a range of pizza sauces including caramelised onion, lemon & dill and green peppercorn. And yes, they even do takeaway.

This 'Pub Food with Porter' column originally appeared in Inapub, July 2012

I have been given a hard time by pub chefs twice in recent weeks - Inapub June 2012

Readers will be distraught to learn that I have been given a hard time by pub chefs twice in recent weeks. Not, I hasten to add because I have complained, made a nuisance of myself or attempted in any way to abuse the privileged position that having my face beaning out from the top of this page potentially gives me. I’m British, we don’t do that sort of thing.

My crime, in each case, was to order a steak. You might think that’s not an unreasonable course of action when faced with a pub menu, but apparently it’s the culinary equivalent of asking Michelangelo to slap a coat of eggshell white emulsion on the ceiling, or Beethoven to bang out a few tunes on the old joanna.

“A steak’s just a steak, it doesn’t tell you anything about how good our food is,” said the chef in one of the pubs in question – and you have to imagine it being said in a petulant midlands accent to get the full effect. 

Firstly, the idea that a couple of decades writing about the business of selling food in pubs has turned me into some sort of gourmet is frankly laughable. A pint of bitter and a pork pie is about the right level for my palate, so pub chefs who think I’m out to have my gastronomic horizons stretched are wide of the mark..

Secondly, I enjoy a decent steak and I see no reason to apologise for ordering one. Particularly when, as in the cases in question, I’m paying for my meal rather than, as does happen from time to time, taking advantage of the generosity of the pub’s owner.

Finally, I have, on occasion, been served some truly horrible and very badly cooked steaks. So any chef who feels that cooking one properly is somehow not a proper test of their culinary skills is talking though their toque. 

The experience highlights a problem that a number of pub operators have mentioned. “We have to rein the chefs in regularly,” was how one put it – a nice way of saying that that the kitchen team were continually trying to drizzle the gravy, carve the veg into fancy shapes, and call the steak pie a beef wellington.

This can be a double-edged sword. The licensee of a pub which has won a couple of food awards tells me that he regularly has to explain to customers who turn expecting Michelin starred cuisine because of the publicity, that what’s was actually on offer is pie and chips. In this summer of celebrating all things British, let’s never apologise for pub food.

Menuwatch:
We all know that we need to widen the range of fish we eat to conserved stocks of overfished species, so all credit to Chef & Brewer for its recent Flavour of Seafood promotion, which featured dishes such as Cornish Megrim and Seafood Linguine. Since you ask, I had the Sea Bream Risotto, and very good it was too.

This 'Pub Food with Porter' column originally appeared in Inapub, June 2012

I find myself at a slight disadvantage - Fullers Tenants Extra July 2012

I find myself at a slight disadvantage, thanks to the illustrious company I’m in this month. With Tenant’s Extra bookended by some of the nation’s sporting greats on the front and back covers, a glance at my picture will confirm that not only am I not worthy to tie their bootlaces, but also that bending over to do so would pose a grave risk to my spinal health.

Even so, I’ve been looking forward to this summer’s sporting bonanza just as much as the next armchair athlete. A pint in hand and football, cricket, and Olympic events ranging from taekwondo to Greco-Roman wrestling on the big screen – what more could you want? Well, a sandwich to accompany my beer doesn’t seem too much to ask. 

New research into the pub trade by investment bank Nomura shows that what they call ‘solus drinking’ and what the rest of us call ‘going for a beer’ is in decline. In other words, drink-only occasions are decreasing, while food-and-drink occasions, if not exactly booming, are at least stable.    

However, I watched one of England’s Euro 2012 group matches in a Surrey pub which was rammed to the gunnels with customers who were solus drinking like there was no tomorrow. The licensee was clearly caught out by demand, with the shortage of bar staff compounded by the need to deploy one of them on permanent glass collecting and washer-loading duties. 

So when one lucky punter made it to the front of the queue and enquired if there was any chance of a bowl of chips to go with his pint, the harassed licensee just pointed to a chap in a white shirt and fetching checked trousers shouting noisily at the screen. “We’re too busy to serve food during the match,” he said. “That’s my chef - my best-paid member of staff and the only one of us not working.”

High drinks sales during big sporting events are a Holy Grail for many pubs – but it needn’t be at the expense of food. There will be big national occasion during the London 2012 games as Team GB chases the medals, and many of us will gather in pubs to watch them. With a bit of forward planning, it should be possible to offer some simple pub grub as well as a well-kept pint. It would be a shame if all those chefs had nothing to do.
This 'Kitchen Porter' column originally appeared in Fullers Tenants Extra, July 2012

I’ve become something of a specialist: Fullers Tenants Extra June 2012

I’ve become something of a specialist in the pre-theatre dinner market over the past few months. Not, I hasten to add, because I’m an especially cultured individual, but more because, with a couple of our many offspring away at Uni, and the others of an age where they can safely be left for a few hours without succumbing to arson or cannibalism, Mrs P and I thought we should get out a bit more.

Many restaurants in the West End offer a theatre package, promising to get you fed, watered and back out onto the street in time for curtain-up at the theatre of your choice. Theatreland’s pubs, it has to be said, are a bit more hit and miss. 

Very few of them ask if you’re on a timetable, which you might think would be a basic question for West end pub when customers arrive to eat at around 6.30, an hour before the 7.30 start time of most venues in the area. If, as I always do, you say “we need to be about by 7.20 at the latest,” the response also varies. 

“Yes, no problem,” is fine, and so is “sorry, we’re very busy so it could be a problem” – either way, you know where you stand. Unfortunately, vague responses seem all too common. “We’ll do our best” or “hopefully” aren’t much help, because the only certainty is that the cast of the show won’t 10 minutes while you desperately wave at a busy waitress is a bid to pay for a half-eaten meal. 

It seems that pubs sometimes confuse casual dining with a casual attitude to customer service. For example, the Vegetarian Society recently published a survey that showed that while only 3 per cent of self-declared vegetarians eat fish, 85 per cent have been offered fish as a vegetarian choice when eating out.

No doubt the serving staff were trying to be helpful – but the best response to “what are the vegetarian choices?” is probably ‘do you eat seafood?” rather than “I can recommend the fish pie”. 

In the same way, a customer on a deadline needs certainty rather than an optimistic best guess, however well meant the intention. It doesn’t seem much to ask.

This 'Kitchen Porter' column first appeared in Fullers Tenants Extra, June 2012

As calls-to-action go - Inapub May 2012

As calls-to-action go, ‘Free Hog Roast’ has plenty to recommend it as a means of getting customers into a pub. It’s simple to understand, has a strong appeal, and, like cask beer or a properly-made Martini, represents something punters can’t duplicate easily at home.

The downside, as the more astute licensed trade professionals out there will have spotted almost immediately, is that putting on a hog roast is a relatively expensive proposition. Giving away slices of the end product is hardly the mark of a well-run, businesslike establishment.

So it was with some interest that I responded to an invitation from the Derby Arms, a well-located pub on the Downs outside Epsom, to partake of complimentary canapés, a wine tasting and – you guessed it – a hog roast. I should add that this wasn’t an industry junket, but an appeal to customers on the M&B pub’s database as a means of launching its summer menu.

Mrs P and myself were asked to put our names on a guest list, without which, we were warned sternly, there could be no possibility of admittance. As it turned out, when we rocked up at the door, we were handed a glass of fizz without even a rudimentary ID check.

I’m guessing that the unseasonably warm summer evening at the end of March caught the pub unawares, because the vast army that descended on Epsom Downs during the two hour window specified undoubtedly stretched them. Every plate of canapés that emerged from the kitchen was stripped clean in seconds, and it was a struggle to appreciate the subtle flavours of wines served in glasses that were still dishwasher-hot. 

The two young kitchen hands in charge of the hog roast deserve high praise for continuing to produce portions of pork long after the carcase appeared, to the casual observer, to have been reduced to mere bones and grease. All told, the atmosphere was cheerful and the staff helpful. I suspect the pub has generated considerable goodwill by coping admirably with a much higher-than forecast turnout.

With industry analyst Horizons recently warning that pubs need to compete head-to-head with high street restaurant chains, the need to have robust procedures for dealing with peaks in demand is becoming more important. Both M&B’s Sizzling Pub brand and Spirit Group’s Chef & Brewer picked up accolades at the recent Menu Innovation and Development Awards against strong restaurant competition – consumers want to eat at pubs, but they now expect the same service standards they get in restaurants.

Menuwatch

When did pollen become a legitimate food for anything bigger than a bee? A recent gastropub menu I encountered offered several dishes served with fennel pollen crumb, and another featured pine pollen, advising diners that it’s a highly nutritious superfood. Which probably explains the buzz. Pass the anti-histamine.

This 'Pub Food With Porter' column originally appeared in Inapub, May 2012